The old, tired expression's ringing true again: When it rains, it pours.
My sister was denied a surgery that would have helped her neck and back problems, she lost her job, and I'm having difficulty in my own work place. Every day I apply for more jobs and every day I get an e-mail telling me a job was filled or I'm over/under-qualified for something I had applied for. Every day I drag myself to work and get some kind of lecture.
This weekend just about knocked everyone off their feet.
My sister...well she's a little bit of a delicate one. When she gets a cold, she acts like she's terminal. She'll wrap herself up in blankets and curl into a ball all day. I have very little sympathy for her when she's ill because it just takes a head cold to put her down for several days. I went to work with full blown bronchitis and I work with a worsening deformity in one of my arms but I keep trucking on. When she told me Saturday morning that she wasn't feeling well I blew it off and told her to suck it up. I got a text after my shift from my sister in-law saying that she had taken Nicky to the emergency room. At first I was angry. When someone cries wolf as much as she has it's very hard to think anything of it. A trip to the ER is expensive and my sister, while she has applied for the local health plan, has not heard back from the insurance companies. (Neither have I, and I applied nearly two months before she did. Gotta love this "better" system, right?) As hours went by I started to worry. My sister in-law texted me again saying that things were serious. Mom and I jumped in the car and made our way to the hospital.
We were there till past midnight. Nicky has a mass in one of her ovaries the size of a softball and the ovary has flopped over on itself, cutting off circulation and making the organ non-viable. She's in a tremendous amount of pain and experiencing severe nausea and lack of appetite. She was sent home, and had my mother not paid out of pocket they would have sent her home without anything to help her pain. She was supposed to have the organ removed today but things were complicated further. Her antigen count is off the charts and the surgeon was not comfortable operating without a specialist. Nicky was once again sent home. She has a consolation tomorrow and hopefully they can get the organ out this week but there is a very real chance that she has cancer.
I feel knocked off my feet. For one, I feel guilty for not believing her. I feel guilty that I was angry, annoyed, even resentful of her. I ignored her pain and I went to work after telling her to suck it up, after ranting about my own problems. Now I feel just powerless. I have a very protective nature and I cannot stand uncertainty. My life has been one uncertainty after the next and I've had to watch as people around me suffer. Every problem in my life is bigger than I can handle and my first instinct, to fight the problem, is worthless. I know that at times like this, we're supposed to feel powerless so we turn to God for his strength. I've prayed myself to sleep and I've reached out for anyone who is willing to keep my family in their prayers as well. I just want my sister to be better. I don't want her to have cancer, I don't want her to be in pain anymore. This isn't something I can protect her from or make it better by pushing myself a little harder. I'm literally knocked down to my knees hoping for a miracle.
If you're the praying sort, please pray for Nicky. She really is a blessing in my life and I feel like I've let her down as a sister. I should have been more supportive.
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us."
"If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
"What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it."
Commissions & Trades I'm waiting on:
Some of these are pretty recent but there are a few that are slowly gathering dust. I'm leaving them up as a reminder to myself (and hopefully the other artists involved).
At this point...these sit here as "Buyer Bewares":
Two character full body lineart from
- My end of the trade is complete as of September 14, 2009
Five Chibis from
- Paid on December 29,2012 | 1/5 received |
Legacy of Para group on DA!
and myself decided it's about time we start up a group for ParaChiMar: The Legacy of Para. For those interested this group is pretty much just a good place to dump all of our LoP artwork, trades, commissions, and fanart into. I've also made a small stamp collection to celebrate. Check us out. :3
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