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About Varied / Hobbyist Member Kelly A. BornstedtFemale/United States Groups :iconlegacyofpara: LegacyOfPara
 
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This has not been a good few weeks for me.

 On top of family drama, not feeling too healthy, and the overall stress of current events and situations in my life I've felt like I've really hit a wall of failure lately. This week I was pulled aside by my first boss and told that I was really not pulling my weight. I was slow, clumsy, and growing sloppy on the line. I was also told that regardless of my attempts to 'perk up' my depression is starting to show. Even away from work, my boss said that I don't look like myself. I suppose it took someone saying it for me to really face the reality of my mental state and my physical shortcomings. The sad thing is, I honestly thought that I had been improving both with my attitude and my performance at work. I was moved off of lunch shift and put on prep work in the mornings. I lost one of my days off (leaving me with only Sundays off) but my hours remain more or less the same. I do enjoy the prep work a lot more though I do have to get up much earlier to get to work on time. I'm able to do the work without too much discomfort and I'm not in anyone's way. I'm able to listen to my music and keep to myself, so no one can comment on how "down" I seem.

My second job I honestly do love. I work hard and admittedly I save my energy reserves for it so I can perform to my full potential. I'm hoping to get a full time position so I can quit the first job, make a little more money, and start to put money aside. I do tend to smile more there and I do genuinely have a good relationship with everyone. I was shocked on Thursday when one of my co-workers told me that my shift on Saturday had been covered. I hadn't requested any time off, in fact I was needing the hours so I could get a gift for an upcoming birthday. Apparently my depression was showing there as well. He said I looked tired and he was worried about my wrists.

Twice in a week isn't good. I know I need to go in for a second opinion but funds, time, and my options for professionals are limited. It's not an excuse but it makes things very difficult.

On top of that, I've felt very alone as of late. People that normally enjoy being around me are pushing me away or are making themselves scarce. Calls go unanswered and texts go ignored, I can't help but wonder if I've done something or if I've just become unbearable to be around. I know that things have changed in my life so quickly that I feel like the rug's pulled out from under me but I didn't notice any huge changes in my behavior. Maybe I'm clinging to my friends too hard or maybe I just don't have much good news to report and I'm  starting to drag everyone down. I don't know. Either way on top of the physical problems my emotions and mind haven't been spared from the bad run of things.

I know God never gives us more than we can handle and everything happens for a reason but... I'm not sure how much more I can actually handle. I'm losing my outlets of emotion in doing art and role playing and I'm too busy to  get out of town and just sit in the woods or something. I feel like everything's bottled up and I'm constantly dragging it around on my back.  I just feel defeated and alone. 

Sorry for the emo rant but it'll explain why I'm not kicking out the art that quickly. I have a few projects in various stages of completion but they're going to take a while to finish. I find I have to work only 2 hours at a time.


Doing art...
No Requests by SweetDukeNo Commissions by SweetDukeTrades - Friends Only by SweetDukeCollaborations - Friends Only by SweetDuke

Adoptables?
:iconfeatheradopts:
You can purchase adoptables done by me on this alternate account. My rules and guidelines still apply and the content is very random.

Just because...
:bulletwhite:"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
C.S. Lewis
:bulletwhite:"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
C.S. Lewis
:bulletwhite:"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us."
C.S. Lewis
:bulletwhite: "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."
C.S. Lewis
:bulletwhite:
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
C.S. Lewis
:bulletwhite: "What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it."
C.S. Lewis

Commissions & Trades I'm waiting on:
Some of these are pretty recent but there are a few that are slowly gathering dust. I'm leaving them up as a reminder to myself (and hopefully the other artists involved).

At this point...these sit here as "Buyer Bewares":

:bulletblue: Two character full body lineart from :iconhoneyroastedferrets: - My end of the trade is complete as of September 14, 2009
:bulletblue: Five Chibis from :iconmalisjuju: - Paid on December 29,2012 | 1/5 received |

Latest ParaChiMar Artwork:
Shywing by jolwelcome Troy by jolwelcome Commission - Fealare by Exarrdian


Legacy of Para group on DA!
:iconbluekillerdonkey: and myself decided it's about time we start up a group for ParaChiMar: The Legacy of Para. For those interested this group is pretty much just a good place to dump all of our LoP artwork, trades, commissions, and fanart into. I've also made a small stamp collection to celebrate. Check us out. :3
:iconlegacyofpara:


My buddies & Artistic Icons:
:iconbluekillerdonkey: :iconbladegunsniper: :icondaffupanda: :iconsaimain: :iconiduck: :iconwinterfalcon: :iconmissgizmo:

Clubs
:iconsuikoden-club:

Religion & Politics:
Love is by ThalionKoi Yaoi Yuri Free Gallery Stamp by ThalionKoi Day of Dialogue Stamp by ThalionKoi Creation Science Evangelism stamp by ThalionKoi Genesis Series Stamp by ThalionKoi Project 180 Stamp by ThalionKoi Young Earth Creationist Stamp by ThalionKoi One Man, One Woman Stamp by ThalionKoi No Matter How Small Stamp by Mistress-Blood Rush Limbaugh Stamp by JoyWillCome Sexual Morality Stamp by kolidescope George Stamp by Mistress-Blood Vegans eating forests Stamp by MichaelDebevec Glenn Beck Stamp by JoyWillCome Constitution fan by Ramen27 :creationism stamp: by latino-stock TEA Party stamp by Conservatoons Can't Find God... by levite Beck Homework stamp by Conservatoons Only God Defines Marriage Stamp by PsalmSeven Anti-Exhibitionism Stamp by cjade Live like a Narnian by Mike-the-cat Non-religion Love -- 100th stamp by RebiValeska Fruits of the Triforce - STAMP by TheGreenDragonGirl Let's Collect Evidence by RebiValeska God-doesn't-degrade-women by RebiValeska Logical Belief by RebiValeska I support this bible verse +1 by RebiValeska Yeah. There is a difference. by RebiValeska Please Everybody Stamp by Mirz123 America Stamp by l8 The Rainbow is God's Covenant - Stamp by Starrceline Not Hate - Stamp by Starrceline Stamp - Let's get this straight by stefanbauwens God's NOT Dead Stamp by ThalionKoiScience does support the Bible. by FellmekkeScience is the study of God's creation - Stamp by StarrcelineBelief vs Acceptance by RebiValeskaStrong Women of Faith by RebiValeska

"Fandoms"
Legolas stamp by purgatori Oregon State Stamp by nascarstones Skillet Stamp by Skillet-Panheads Toby Mac stamp by Gezusfreek Final Fantasy IX by darkdisciple-stamps Suikoden V FAN v.1 by KuRumi-FlameSamurai Suikoden Tierkreis Stamp by Masanohashi ::Suikoden III Stampage:: by xloki-arisux Soul Silver Stamp by Riiarei Avatar stamp by Jeff2psyco unhappy zuko stamp by LunaticStar Zuko by Spazzly .:Smile Toothless:. by OxAmy .:Narnia stamp 12:. by dannyphantom300 Suikoden :: Nanami Shake by vikifanatic Suikoden :: Riou Oil Wipe by vikifanatic Merlin Stamp by britt1913 The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion by AquaFugit Soul Eater - Kid Stamp by CometTheMicroraptor Voyage Of The Dawn Treader by azianwolfdoll Disney Simba Stamp by TwilightProwler Disney Simba, Timon + Pumba Stamp by TwilightProwler Digimon Animated Stamp 005 by hanakt Digimon Animated Stamp 002 by hanakt Tangled - Alone at Last by Vilyanea Zelda Royal Crest Stamp PLZ by Master-Ziggy The Legend of Zelda stamp by Strange-little-cat Kid Icarus Uprising Stamp by laprasking LinkxZelda Stamp by HystericDesigns ZidanexGarnet Stamp by DrDoomy
Role Playing
Character Stamp by Arpie  RP Stamp by vidramidra Can't Sleep RP Stamp by Fastmon

Random
OH DON PIANO STAMP by SuperSpongeNova deviantART not deviantPORN by Zeiphex Clean Art FTW by sugarpoultry Stamp Req : Ouuuuuh by wLadyB91

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:icondvpfilms:
DVPFilms Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014
Thanks for the fav! If u havent already please go The Grigori FB page and give a like. Thanks for the support!
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:iconmarymarhta:
marymarhta Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your watch is highly appreciated ^^
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:iconbrightredrose:
brightredrose Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
:wave:  Thanks for the watch!
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:iconraakone:
Raakone Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014
Happy Birthday!@
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:iconfcu777:
FCU777 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Student Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND GOD BLESS YOU!! 1st Emoticon: Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Grin Happy Birthday Godliek :D happy birthday Birthdy-emote
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:iconstephaniescarlet:
stephaniescarlet Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014
Happy Birthday! :D
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:iconmyinqi:
myINQI Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks a lot for :+fav:ing, I really appreciate it :heart:
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:iconphoacce-cell5:
Phoacce-Cell5 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Professional General Artist
Also, your webcam is hilarious xD
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:icontigryph:
Tigryph Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL! Thank you XD I love that gif.
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:iconphoacce-cell5:
Phoacce-Cell5 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you for the watch! :highfive:
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